Still in Quarantine

It is mid-May. We have been in quarantine for over 60 days now. Let me tell you - I am over this. The kids are over this. Our community is over this. But we all are trying to be good rule followers. We have pushed the boundaries a few times (hello, birthday bash for Matty!) but for the most part our kids have not seen their friends since March. I am so sad for them. As of today, the "Stay at Home" order has been extended through May 31, yet I fear it will be pushed out even more.

For the past few years, I have shared with our small group that during one sports season, I wanted to pull all of my kids out of their activities so that we could spend time together as a family. No dance, no baseball, no soccer, no basketball. Of course, when I made this statement, I envisioned still having school and social activities. I was telling my friend Marci yesterday how I certainly got my wish with this pandemic, and I will no longer dream of pulling my kids out of their activities. We have learned so much during this time hunkered down in our home.

Taylor has basically quit chorus. She refused to participate in a video compilation of the kids singing their chorus song. Her school choir typically performs at a district-wide "Music Alive" concert in May, and obviously that is not happening. Her choir also typically performs at the 5th grade promotion ceremony in June. Not happening either. So, Taylor quit. She has not joined any of the zoom chorus meetings and refused to do a video of her singing for the end of year chorus compilation.

Taylor now wants to quit dance. There are weekly online classes and she has quit doing them. She has anxiety every time I forward her the emails with her four weekly dance classes. She has fallen behind on all of the choreography for the recital. She cries when I ask her to watch/participate in a class. Sigh.

Matty misses his buddies oh so much. They talk on Messenger Kids almost daily, usually because they are all playing "Fortnite" on the Xbox and want to talk about the game. There is a group of kids that live close together in another neighborhood, and those kids get together outside a lot. When Matty hears that they are out riding bikes or playing basketball, he feels left out and cries.

Brayden's anxiety is off the charts. He washes his hands all the time. If I ask him to get something out of the refrigerator, he washes his hands after touching the handle. His poor hands are like sandpaper. We lather them in aquaphor nightly. He asks me and Tommy funny questions all the time, like, "Is it okay if I touch my mouth and then pick up a pencil?" Or, "Is it okay if I touch this scab on my arm?" He also walks around with his fingers wrapped around his thumbs - he thinks this keeps the germs away.

It is a daily struggle to get the kids to go outside, even when the weather is nice. They would much rather sit inside and play on the Xbox or iPad.

Tommy is getting really tired of working out of our bedroom. He is hunkered down in the bedroom for hours and hours each day... and then he sleeps there. He has gotten into a routine of going out for a run every day. It is his only escape. He is likely in the best shape of his life and has lost ~8 pounds. The lack of a commute to unwind/regroup and the inability to meet with colleagues in person is definitely wearing on him.

I used to feel so guilty that I worked part-time. I always questioned whether I should quit my job in order to be a more "hands-on" mom. I have always struggled with concern over whether I would be a better mom if I were more available for the kids (e.g. not sitting at my desk when they woke up every morning, not half-listening to them when they have questions, not putting them in front of the TV after school so that I could finish something up, etc). Well, it turns out that having them around me all the time does not make me a better mom! I need my work. It balances me. It gives me a place to escape and feel a different sort of value. When I accomplish something with work, it gives me a "high" that then translates to my attitude towards my kids. I have learned during the pandemic that having the kids around 24/7 and giving them almost my full attention has not made me a better mom. I get frustrated easily. So do they. We are nicer to one another when we have our own space to think, work, and learn.

More updates to come. Just getting my thoughts down on paper... or blog. :)

Family selfie during an evening stroll - 5/4/2020