Teenager

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a teenager in the house! Taylor is 13 today. I am up early decorating for her special day. I told her last night that I always celebrate her birth on the 19th, because that is the day that I labored ALL day before her arrival at 2:15 AM on the 20th.

Taylor, 

We have been through it all this year: remote learning, an in-person start of middle school in April of 6th grade, moving to a new middle school at a temporary campus at the start of 7th grade, girl drama, boy drama, and an eating disorder to boot. You are my best friend and my worst enemy, depending on the day. Most days I am insanely proud of you and think you are wise beyond your years, but there are also days when you show me that you are still a little girl without a clue. It is an interesting dichotomy. You are almost an adult, but you still need me and for the most part, you still respect me. I love that you will come to me to talk about almost anything. We have spent a LOT of time lying on your bed and talking at bedtimes over the last year. Most days, I feel like that is when my most important work takes place.

There is so much to share about you at 13. I know I am not able to fully capture it in a blog post, but I will try.

As I wrote in my last blog post, you have an eating disorder. It is painful to watch. You are the most beautiful 13-year old in the world, and yet, you do not see it. You weigh somewhere between 85 and 87 pounds and you are 5 foot, 0.5 inches. I am barely taller than you and I weigh waaaaay more than 87 pounds. But when you look in the mirror, you do not see the beautiful, thin, petite girl that everyone else sees. You see your flaws. It is clearly a mental health disorder and we are learning as we go. There are days when I see your spark coming back and then there are days when I realize we are not out of the woods. It is exhausting to stand over you and monitor every meal/snack/drink that goes into your body, but you have been open and honest with me and I appreciate that. My happiest days are when I see you eating bread or dessert like you used to.

The biggest development in your life this month is that you returned to dance! When you quit a year ago, we got to the point where I could not even bring it up. You would shut me down immediately and suggest that I wanted you to go back to dance because I used to dance. That was truly not the case. I would mention dance because I knew how much you used to love dancing... and you needed an activity in the evenings! Until last month, you said there was no way you ever wanted to dance again, so I was pretty shocked when you brought it up in December. After watching your studio's Nutcracker performance and seeing your friends from dance again, we signed you up for classes in January. You are taking just two classes: jazz and contemporary. I hope and pray that this is a positive experience for you.

You have also become a pretty decent soccer player. You have played rec soccer every fall since kindergarten, and you are playing indoor soccer with some girl friends this winter (it starts next Saturday). Middle school soccer tryouts are also next week. You were signed up for tryouts, but I think we are going to pass on this one. The team practices four days a week. Your pediatrician was not thrilled with the idea of you going back to dance because of the calories it will burn, so I am pretty certain she would not want you having soccer five days a week as well. But, how I wish you could play soccer with your friends at school!

You are a great student. I believe you had all As last year in 6th grade. This year, you had one B in the first trimester, and I would argue it was due to a whack-a-do math teacher that disappeared right before Thanksgiving and has not returned to school. You had a test the week of Thanksgiving that you felt like you Aced, but it was never graded nor was it factored into your trimester grade. Now that you have a long-term sub in math, you have a solid "A" in the class. You are diligent about doing your homework when you get home each day, but I don't think you study nearly as much as I did in middle school. You must be naturally smart. I hear from your friend's moms about their girls studying much more than you. As long as you have good grades, it does not matter to me!

Your best friend in the world is Harper Brown. For your 13th birthday, dad and I took you to Atlanta last weekend to visit her (her family moved back to Atlanta after a five year stint in Seattle last June). Seeing the two of you together made me so happy, but then I had to see your tears when we said goodbye. Ugh. I know how close you feel to Harper and I am glad she has been a lovely friend to you. You have several other friends here in Newcastle, but they do not hold a candle to Harper. You still hang out with "Toejam" often - Toejam stands for Taylor, Olivia, Ella and Julia. The four of you are all growing and changing in many ways but have maintained your closeness. You are also friends with Taylor C, Lauryn, Ai-Vi, and Livy. This past school year, you have become friends with a girl named Addie because you have four out of six classes with her. I have never met Addie but love her for being a friend to you.

School has not been kind to you this year. The temporary campus is dilapidated and depressing. Because the middle school is new, it has been a slow go building sports and clubs and programs. Some sports have been outright cancelled because the school could not find a coach. There are not any appealing clubs. There is no drama department. There have been no after school activities like dances or parties. Post-Covid teens have been naughty; everyone is messed up. It broke my heart to send you off to school every day last fall knowing how much you hated it. But then, something changed in December. You started having more good days than bad. Your SOAR class (which is before first period and is like a homeroom), elected you to be the class's SOAR senator. Since winter break, you have come home almost every day and said you had a good day. You said you are feeling more confident again and worry less about what others think of you. Praise the Lord! Better yet, it is looking like you will be moving into your brand new campus in February. I know that beautiful, state-of-the-art building will make a world of difference!

You spend way too much time in your bedroom playing a video game called "The Sims." I do not understand it at all. It appears that you design characters and design floorplans for the characters to live in. It does not seem all that entertaining to me at all, but you would spend all day in our room doing it if I let you. You'll play the game on your computer while you watch YouTube videos of other people "playing/designing" the game on your iPad. I don't get it. We fight about it a lot. You have said to me that this game is one of the only things that got you through Covid when we were stuck at home every day. When it is one of the only things that brings you joy, who am I to take it away from you? Of course, I have every filter possible on your devices to make sure you are not seeing things that are inappropriate. I just hate technology sometimes.

Thankfully, you have become an avid reader in the last few years. You'll lay in bed at night and read for hours. I love that! I love that I can say goodnight to you, leave your room, and you will read until who knows when. Several the book series you have read lately have been made into movies (The Hunger Games, Divergent), so it is always fun for you to finish a book so you can watch the movie.

Your new bedroom and bathroom is always messy. It makes me crazy. Your clothes are everywhere. I do not understand why you cannot try on a shirt and then hang it on a hanger when you are done. Your bathroom is gross. The cap is never on your toothpaste, there is hair all over the counter, used panty liners are on the floor, and wet towels are in a hump in the corner. Gross.

I stress out daily because we are not active at our church anymore, which means you are missing out on forming and building relationships with other Christian teens. I know how much you need Jesus in your life right now, and I hate that you have not gotten involved with the youth group. Thanks Covid. Last school year, the youth group met outside (thanks Covid) on Wednesday evenings from 7:00 - 8:30. You went once and said it was "okay." But, we live in Seattle! The dark, cold, wet evenings make it less than appealing to go to youth group. Then, you missed the youth group camping trip last July because we were on vacation. And then, last fall, you did not want to go to youth group because you felt that everyone else there had already formed their "groups" and you did not know anyone your age that goes on a regular basis. It does not help that we do not have friends from our neighborhood/community that go to our church. I would absolutely move churches to a more local church if that was an option, but they really are not any. On a bright note, a Young Life group is forming for the new middle school, so I am hopeful you will get involved in that. You read your Bible before bed almost every night (before or after you read your other book), and I know your heart is in the right place.

Other tidbits:

Your favorite colors are green, yellow and blue, but you said you like warm colors because you like feeling warm. I must have "interviewed" you on a particularly cold January day. :)

Your favorite food is water. Just kidding, but food is a tough topic for us lately. You do love ICE drinks (which are carbonated water). A typical snack for you is banana or apple with peanut butter, cucumbers or pretzels with hummus, popcorn (which is a no-no during braces, but whatever), or peanut butter protein balls. You still love steak and mashed potatoes but it is really hard to get you to eat bread anymore.

Your favorite restaurant is Aji Sushi. You can pound a Spyder Roll in record time.

Your favorite movie is Titanic. You have also been watching the Vampire Diaries series on Netflix lately.

You want to be an environmentalist when you grow up.

Your favorite vacation spot is anywhere warm.

You still have braces. If all goes well, you'll get them off this fall sometime.

I am sure I missing many, many more things about you at this delicate age, but I am beyond proud of you for the young woman you are becoming! If only you could see yourself through my eyes. I pray that this year is a year of spiritual and mental growth as well as abundant joy.

I love you, Taylor Michelle Bligh,

Mom